Buddhism in Plain Terms

Buddhism in Plain Terms | Why Interpersonal Relationships are Important? | 15 Aug 2020

< Buddhism in Plain Terms < 白话佛法共修分享    

Time : Saturday 2pm-4.20pm
Platform : ZOOM Cloud Meeting
Topic of Discussion : Why Interpersonal Relationships are Important?


On 15 August 2020, Guan Yin Citta, Singapore held yet another online Buddhism in Plain Terms (BIPT) Group Study (in English) on interpersonal relationships.

Master Lu once said that ‘For all those who aspire to practice Buddhism, they must start from understanding themselves’. In line with this, Buddhist practitioners must constantly ask themselves in their spiritual journey: do you truly understand yourself? 

During the two-hour session, participants engaged in meaningful examination of their inner selves that the hustle and bustle of the mundane world may otherwise prevent.

The facilitator also poignantly shared that interpersonal relationships are all attributed to affinity, sparking vibrant discussion from the floor about their personal experiences. Additionally, the touching testimonial sharing of a Buddhist friend highlighted the benefits of reciting Buddhist scriptures, and clearly demonstrated how scriptures such as the Mantra to Untie Karmic Knots may play a powerful role in resolving grievances present in one’s relationships.

The many instances where such heartfelt thoughts from fellow Buddhist practitioners are openly shared due to the welcoming atmosphere of learning is definitely part of what makes the group study so worthwhile.

As followers of Guan Yin Citta, a dharma door which advocates the use of wisdom and ingenious approaches to helping people, practitioners were also reminded of how empathy, tolerance, gratitude and forgiveness are key attitudes to adopt in interactions with others.

It was thus apt that this message was conveyed through the use of a light and memorable story, a microcosm of Guan Yin Citta’s aim to spread Buddhist teachings with the use of plain terms.


Let us now look at some comments from participants:

“I like the session a lot as the sessions make me contemplate even deeper. I especially enjoy the translated cross-references which may sometimes offer an even clearer explanation to me than the original!”

“The most enlightening takeaway I derived from the session was that to improve one’s interpersonal relationships, we need to change our state of mind by looking at the bigger picture of things, i.e. always focus on the positive aspects of a person rather than his negative aspects. In this way, we will appreciate, respect and be tolerant with everyone that comes into our life.”


? Join us in our next session:
Please contact Loh SX (96978356) / Woan Yi SX (82182248) for more information


Date and time:
Saturday 22 August 2020
2-4 pm


Please click here to download the Summary Slides shared during the Group Study:

BHFF_Summary_Episode 4_Part 3_150820


Topic: Why Interpersonal Relationship is important?

Many people don’t have the right conditions for life, so they miss many opportunities. This is common in life. When there is no affinity, so be it. There is nothing you can do when you have missed the boat. It’s no use feeling regretful and miserable. When we have gone a long way and look back at the people and things in the past, many things have long been lost in your memory. Therefore, a true life refers to the times when you are still innocent and unaware of the reality in life – this is a beautiful time.

But once you have come of age and gotten involved in interpersonal conflicts, your life is full of vexations and sadness, because you no longer experience that kind of purity, only the treachery and trickery of the human world. So I hope you will all aspire to change your destiny, not by chances but by your state of mind. For people who have a good state of mind, everything will change for the better. For people with an unhealthy state of mind, no matter what they do, even if it is something good, they will not have peace of mind. Thus, everyone must understand these concepts.


We used to say that a person should be independent at the age of 30, meaning they should be able to stand on their own feet and be established. Established in what aspects? What should Buddhist practitioners establish then? In the past, one should be established in life, in career and get married. But we should make a resolution to free ourselves of suffering and gain happiness by practising Buddhism.


People say we should not be perplexed at age 40. Do you know what is meant by not being perplexed? You are no longer confused, you have a better understanding. What do you understand then? People in general get to understand society better, understand themselves better, understand that interpersonal relationships are so complicated. Whereas we Buddhist practitioners should not be deluded by worldly desires, walk out of your afflictions bravely with no greed, no anger, no hatred.


People used to say we should know our destiny at age 50. Do you know what destiny means? In modern terms, we have a better understanding of the working of destiny, that is to get married and have children, to get a job and earn money, in order to gain a foothold in life. “Gosh, I have done this thing wrong”, “Gosh, I have done that thing wrong”, what do you know about destiny?

You should know at the age of 50, that you should waste no time in practising spiritual cultivation and helping others, because there is not much time left for you to help others, and to change your state of mind. There is not much time left to repent, and to recite the Eighty-Eight Buddhas Great Repentance. This is what I meant by understanding destiny at 50.


In those days, people used to say at the age of 60, they have seen through life and realised they are unable to bring wealth and fame along with them. Life is brief,  “I have thought things through”, “I’m 60 and too old to work”,  “I am not going to be stressed about money or be tormented”. What do you understand now?

You are 60, you should know that you may need to change the destination of your journey, hurry to find a better destination for yourself. That is the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss or perhaps return to the fold of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, our heavenly mother. What should you do then? Recite Buddhist scriptures, perform life liberations and make vows, perform more meritorious deeds and help others, do good and refrain from doing evil.  If you still do evil today, how can you be a good person? Let go of yourselves.


In the past, there is an old saying that “rarely could people live up to 70”.  This is because ancient people didn’t have a long lifespan as we do now. People living in hot climate usually have a shorter lifespan. So, we should live as we wish at 70.  What should we do? Let nature take its course and adapt to the circumstances. In fact, Buddhist practitioners at 70 should know that it is time to engage in spiritual practice, recite scriptures earnestly and make an effort to understand the Dharma. But many of us are still in pursuit of external things.

At 70, if you are still after wealth and fame, then you will become more lonely in this human world because the roads that you have taken along life’s journey may lead to a ferry terminal with no boats. Some may lead to deserts with no camels. Our life is headed to any destination that brings you with no direction. You’ll lose your direction ahead.


Why are people suffering? Because the mental distance between people is widening; because they can’t think alike, neither can they have the shared moments together; they do not know how to cherish the affinities between each other. As a result, they are unable to live a fulfilling life.

Therefore, the Buddha said life is suffering; As we grow older, we can’t eat anything. This is suffering; We are too old to walk, so we can’t go to places. This is suffering; The worst suffering is when we are sick, and death causes more suffering.  Also, separation from those we love, to be separated from the people you love. This is suffering. Being together with those we hate, this is an unpleasant feeling.

If you meet people you don’t wish to see every day, you feel disgusted.  Moreover, suffering arises when your wish is unfulfilled. You yearn for something every day, it causes you suffering when your wish is unfulfilled. Being unable to let go causes suffering too. When you take something to heart and are unable to let go. This is suffering.


So the Buddha said “We create our destiny and our thoughts determine our appearance, you create your own destiny”. You create your own appearance as you constantly conceive of thoughts. Your appearance changes accordingly. If you conceive of kind thoughts, you will have a kind appearance. If you conceive of evil thoughts, you will appear evil. When many people say that you are a bad guy, then you will have an evil appearance.

So, Buddhist practitioners need to understand that all things on Earth remain unperturbed, only when the heart remains unchanged will things remain unchanged.  When you are kind to others, others will be kind to you.


Sitting is Zen, walking is Zen, to see a world in a flower and the Buddha in a leaf.

What does it mean? You will gain wisdom by sitting there, you will also gain wisdom by standing and going about your task, you will gain meditative concentration in whatever you do.  As there is such a world in your heart, there is such a practice place, no matter what you do, in everything you do, you will do it as if you are a Buddha performing the task. This is what “to see the Buddha in a leaf” means.



Master Jun Hong Lu’s related discourses (cross references):




Buddhism in Plain Terms Vol. 1 Chapter 1 (An Excerpt)

To attain enlightenment, it is most important to know the true nature of oneself. Because in this world, there are times when we don’t know ourselves. There are times when we know about others, but we don’t know about ourselves. Just like a person who doesn’t know how many bad habits he or she has, until others pointed it out, then the person gradually realises “Oh, so I’m like that.”

In reality, if you don’t know yourself, you will not know your own karma and obstacles. Hence, for all those who aspire to practice Buddhism they must start from understanding themselves.

If you don’t even know yourself, you won’t know how much power you have, or how capable you are in accomplishing a certain task. If you do not understand your capacity, how would you understand the Dharma teachings? Only when you understand yourself, then you can perfect yourself as a human being in this lifetime.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Sydney, Australia – 26 January 2019

As Buddhist practitioners, we should understand that ‘the perfection of human integrity leads to the attainment of Buddhahood’. In the human world, there are two aspects of success: success in one’s endeavours and success in leading a morally upright life.

Here’s a word of advice:

Even if you achieve success in your career at the expense of your morality, it is but temporary. Similarly, if you do not have an illustrious career but possess a strong moral compass, it will also only be a temporary phenomenon.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Melbourne, Australia – 8 December 2019

Buddhist practitioners must realise that knowing oneself is a form of joy; understanding others is a form of wisdom.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Sydney, Australia – 11 January 2020

As Buddhist practitioners, if we want to change the world, we must begin with changing ourselves;

if we want to become a Buddha and be accomplished on this spiritual path, first exercise our mind with suffering, exhaust our sinews and bones with toil, and expose our body to hunger;

if we want to achieve liberation from samsara in one lifetime, we must master faith, vow and practice.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Buddhism in Plain Terms Episode 13 – Let our thoughts neither increase nor decrease

Our interpersonal relations are dictated by karmic affinities. Sometimes they are positive, but other times they are negative. When positive affinities arrive, we must cherish them, so that they will continue, because positive affinities have the capacity of being extended. When negative affinities arrive, you must not exacerbate their negative karmic effects, causing them to ripen sooner. Instead, you must learn to be patient, then the negative karma will not come immediately.

Thus, interpersonal relationships, be it positive or negative, are all attributed to affinities. If you are unhappy today,it is certainly a

karmic result taking effect. When a karmic effect comes into being, you will experience it regardless of whether it is positive or negative.

Buddhist scriptures say, “When karmic conditions arise, we will experience the results of our own deeds.”

This tells us that, when you come to the realisation, whatever happens is the fruit of karma coming into effect, so you will come to terms with it and not be fixated on it. When you know that a positive affinity has come into being today, you must not be overjoyed, because it is merely the fruit of what you have sown.

On the contrary, if a negative affinity comes today, you must not feel too miserable, because it is also the result of your past actions. So, this is exactly like what we often say, we should learn to bear any karmic results, no matter what affinity arises. We must accept it first, then we can slowly change it, bear with it and eventually resolve it.


Wenda20170806B 48:08
(Master Jun Hong Lu’s Call-In Radio Program – excerpt)

Caller: Master Lu, you mentioned that both good and bad affinities exist in our interpersonal relationships. There are people who we are indebted to, and others who are indebted to us. In the case of a womaniser, could women he associates be indebted to him, or could their relationships simply be a result of his own act of pursuing them?

Master Jun Hong Lu: These are possible reasons. A man who is not able to control himself is as good as a beast as an animal.

Caller: Could his adulterous behaviour be due to having too many karmic debtors from past lives?

Master Jun Hong Lu: This is the norm for animals. As for human, the fact that we possess advanced mental capacities should mean we do not have to behave the same way as other animals.

Caller: The man said it was the women who initiated these relationships. Does this mean that they were indebted to him from their past lives?

Master Jun Hong Lu: He has no reason to engage in such acts. Regardless of whether or not these relationships stemmed from others’ actions or his own, once is the act has been committed, he would be guilty all the same. He would then face being down on his luck, premature death, or being bedridden by total body paralysis at an early age. These are all the possibilities.

Caller: I understand.



Master Jun Hong Lu’s Buddhism in Plain Terms Episode 5
To be virtuous, one must get rid of arrogance

In this life, we often encounter complex personal issues, so how should Buddhists behave? Make effort in your spiritual practice. Treat those complicated people and matters in life as the basis to cultivate your mind. This is also a chance for you to train yourself. Express no anger when being scolded by others. Express no anger when others are angry, as you’ll be the only one who suffers if you can’t control your temper, this is to train yourself.

That is why we must learn to withstand adversity, in fact, adversity helps you grow and makes you stronger, it provides an impetus for your progress. There are some people, when being ridiculed or even being slandered by others, they will work harder to prove other people wrong, so this helps them grow and become a better person.

When people criticise you, say “that’s OK, I will do my best”, to try to calm your anxious mind. Remember, staying calm enables you to find peace in your heart.

You must respect others and don’t hurt others at will. As Buddhists, we must understand that interpersonal relationships are mutual. When you give others due respect, they will respect you more. When you show more respect to others, they would respect you fully. So if you want others to respect you, you should first show due respect to others.

Sometimes, if you accidentally show contempt for others or despise them, they would do the same to you very soon.



Even others have treated us well a hundred times.
All it takes is just one unpleasant time, you will forget all the kindness they have bestowed upon us.

In life, we must think more of others’ good traits rather than their shortcomings. Don’t let a small matter determine a person’s character. All of us are imperfect and selfish, everyone makes mistakes. Hence in everyday lives, in our interpersonal interaction with others, we need to look more of others’ good traits and think less about their shortcomings.



Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia, December 24, 2016

Question: As our Buddhism learning and practice deepen, we tend to be more aware of our own and other people’s shortcomings. While we work hard to overcome our own shortcomings, however, we might also expect others to be of a higher standard and no longer see them as kind as we thought they were. Unconsciously, we start to see them in a negative light and may even result in the developing contentious relationships. Master Lu, may I ask if this shows that our cultivation has strayed from the right path? How can we restrain and overcome such a criticizing mentality towards the others?

Answer: When you perform recitation of scriptures diligently, at a certain point of time, your state of mind will be elevated and you will indeed start to notice many more shortcomings of the others. Just like me, the minute I meet someone, I can see through all of his shortcomings. However, you are a Bodhisattva, a Buddhist cultivator.

You have to love people despite their faults. Just like a parent who sees the faults of the child, you would have to continue to help the child to allow him to progress but not to despise him. This is the right mentality. Having this mentality will develop your sense of equanimity.

They are like your brothers and sisters. “It is alright that they have some faults. I have my own sets of faults too in the past. Now that I have made some improvements, all the more I should help them overcome their faults too. By doing so all of us would be free of faults.”


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, France, Paris, 8 September 2019

Buddhism often says that understanding others leads to compassion, human beings are born with innate good nature and karma will take its course. In this human realm, everyone is fighting a battle under various circumstances.

When we understand others, we will let things go. In the Dharma it was stated, “if you know your past self, you will definitely forgive who you are now”.

Consequently, we have to understand the shifts and changes of human life and that all worldly phenomena are impermanent.

The more understanding we are, the more compassion there is within us; the more empathetic we are, the more smooth-sailing our journey will be in this world.

When you can’t change others, it is best to change yourself. Only by changing yourself can you gradually change others.

Only by completely changing yourself can you eventually change your world. You can’t move a mountain towards you, but you can move towards the mountain.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Buddhism in Plain Terms Episode 13 (An Excerpt)

We must learn to be tolerant of each other’s mistakes. No matter what wrongdoings others have done, you must be tolerant towards them.

Because they were not you, your mindset is not representative of theirs, nor are your actions representative of theirs. If you are unable to tolerate others, it means your mind is intolerant. It’s because many things that people do, are not considered satisfactory to you.

Things fail to go as smoothly as you have expected, but you must understand that all the people and matters in this world are not there for your benefit.

They are not meant for you. They exist either to settle an old score or repay your kindness. Those who have grudges seek revenge. They come to this world to attend to what they are supposed to do.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s World Buddhist Fellowship Meeting, Brisbane, Australia 7 June 2019

In the hustle and bustle of mundane life, troubles are incessant. As Buddhist practitioners, it is wise to always show gratitude towards those who have helped us and show forgiveness towards those who have hurt us. This is because such people make us stronger.

From now on, could you focus on the good side of this person instead? Maybe they are also changing. Like many of our staff

here, you may not like this person every time you see them but think about it under my guidance. They are gradually changing, you should see that they have changed for the better, then you begin to see their good qualities. They are making an effort to change. They are gradually cultivating fine qualities.

At this time, you need to change your perception too. You should let go of your prejudice. Erase those memories that hurt you before. Learn to forget. Learn to set it aside. Disregard the shortcoming of others.

Forget about the harm they have inflicted upon you and you will be the biggest beneficiary as a result. Look beyond the shortcomings of others. Instead, if you cling on to the past you will be unable to leave those vexations and melancholy behind.



When we interact with friends, the hurts that have been inflicted upon us are unintentional most of the time.

But help is always intentional, just like we’re with our family,
occasionally someone might say something hurtful that’s just a slip of a tongue.

The fact is that they have done many good things for the family, hence we must forget those unintentional acts of harm, instead remember the helps they have rendered to us.



Wenda20160617 01:01:35 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)

Caller: In one of your discourses, you mentioned that we must not advise couples to divorce no matter how bad their relationships may be. However, in our daily life or during the process of helping others, we do encounter cases of single females who are involved in improper relationships, like being a third party. Under such circumstances, how should we advise them?

Master Jun Hong Lu: Do not get involved directly or you will activate that person’s karma. Simply advise that she practise Buddhism and cultivate spiritual growth. There are some matters you should not be involved at all. Your involvement will infringe on the other party’s karma and you will have to bear the karmic consequences.

Caller: If the other party is not a Buddhist practitioner but is our friend or someone we wish to help her to practise Buddhism, under such a situation, is it still best not to get involved?

Master Jun Hong Lu: Of course not. Don’t get involved. This should be the way.


Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Sydney, Australia – 26 January 2019

When you invest your energy or time on others, do not expect others to respond with similar benevolence. ‘Requite evil with good’, be indifferent to reciprocity, and be rest assured that you will be in the brilliant company of benefactors throughout your life.


Wenda20170813B 23:04 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s Call-In Radio Program)

Caller: In an effort to break a habit of being too selfish, my Buddhist friend practised to see things from others‘ perspectives, and learning to put himself in others’ shoes. However, he ended up being caught in the predicament of constantly bothered by what other people think. Master, with regards to this phenomenon, may I know how do we find the ‘middle way’ allowing us to be unselfish, as well as not being bothered by what others think of us?

Master Jun Hong Lu: This is easy. Turn a deaf ear to them. That’s it! “Speak no evil, hear no evil and do no evil”. What others say has nothing to do with us. There is nothing we can do to stop them from speaking.

Just ensure we are righteous. Frankly speaking, if someone says that we are not good, does this make us inferior to them? The same goes for when they start to spread negative rumours about us. Does this actually make us into a bad person?

Caller: That’s not possible.

As you once mentioned, ‘A righteous person is able to conquer demons’.


Master Jun Hong Lu‘s Public Talk, Melbourne, Australia – 6 December 2019

When others show concern towards you, it is because they love you;

When they are angry at you, it is because they care about you;

When they become uncommunicative, it is because they are tolerating you;

When they admonish you, it is because they wish to see the better of you;

When they lose their temper at you, it is because they do not wish to lose you;

For that reason, do not take the love of others as your right to hurt them.


Master Jun Hong Lu‘s Public Talk, Sydney, Australia – 22 January 2017

Do not try to change the others as it is the most arduous task. By accommodating others, you will earn affection, respect and care from them.

A foolish person often seeks to be understood by the others, while a wise person seeks to understand and care for the others.

We get to know about each other because of the predestined affinities. Hence, no matter whom we cross paths with, we should be thankful for their company in our life journey.

Extend more of your warm- heartedness and compassion to the others as by doing so, you shall be bestowed with more happiness and good karma.



Master Jun Hong Lu‘s Public Talk, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia – 24 Dec 2016

Question: With regards to our daily engagements with non- Buddhists, going out to eat and drink is a very common way to socialize. However, Buddhists like us do not smoke or drink and only eat vegetarian food. How should we better handle these social interactions? What are the options available for us with regards to social activities? Master Lu, please enlighten us.

Answer: Firstly, Buddhist practitioners should practice self- discipline. Let others know that you are a Buddhist practitioner and that you are someone who observes the Precepts. That’s perfectly fine. At the beginning, others may ridicule you. However, as long as you persist, they will stop picking on you over time.

Please remember, if you are sturdy like a pillar, people can only walk around you instead of pushing you. Conversely, if you are not determined, you will be pushed around by others in no time. It all boils down to your persistence. There is no two ways about it.


Wenda20161125 35:50 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)

Caller: Master Lu, last week, you mentioned that people who have affinity with Buddhism may not have the diligence to cultivate. In the course of helping other people, sometimes, we come across those who have strong affinity with Buddhism. However, at the same time, they are not eager to practice. How can we encourage them to forge ahead?

Master Jun Hong Lu: It is very simple. Inspire his Buddha nature. If that does not work, the timing may not be right and he is considered as a sentient being who lacks affinity as of now. We cannot help people with no affinity. Thus, when you meet arrogant people who do not listen, do not pursue them any further.

I am not saying that people who lack affinity with Buddhism shall remain as such forever. When the timing is right, for example, when they suffer from setbacks in life and are motivated to practice Buddhism, they may develop affinity with Buddhism.


Master Jun Hong Lu‘s Public Talk, Hong Kong – 1 July 2016

As winter approaches, many people are saying, “I would like to save people, but I’m worried that they might not believe in

Buddhist teachings, or he is wicked. Instead of saving him, I might bear the consequences of his karmic debts and land myself in deep water.”

I would like to tell everyone this story that happened during a cold winter day.

A Buddhist monk and his disciple found a snake stiff and frozen with cold, lying beside the road. The monk would have liked to save the snake, but was stopped by his disciple who said, “Master, have you forgotten the story of the Farmer and the Snake? ” The monk replied, “Of course not.”

“Then why do you still want to save it?” asked his disciple.

The monk answered, “There are many ways to save the snake. I may not use the same way as the farmer did. I don’t necessarily have to put the snake in my arms in order to save it.”

Soon after, the monk picked up some firewood and lit a fire beside the road, and the snake was gradually revived by the warmth.

The monk said, “There are always multiple ways to perform good deeds. The same applies to how we introduce Buddhism to people, we have to adopt diversified methods for helping people.”

When we encounter an evil person, we should not hold ourselves back from doing good deeds for fear of bearing negative consequences.

As Buddhist practitioners, we should instead choose our approach to introducing Buddhist teachings to all sentient beings wisely, so that we will not be penalised for our kind-heartedness.

This is what the miraculous Dharma is about; an ingenious approach. It is Wisdom that enables us to help more people to attain enlightenment.



Wenda20150522 34:52 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)

Caller: At times, we can be very eloquent in preaching to others. However, we can’t always live up to the message we preach when we are being tested. Why is this so?

Master Jun Hong Lu: As human beings, we are prone to see others’ faults but fail to see our own. It is only when we are experiencing hardship that we realise the importance of others. However, we often forget how much others have to sacrifice when everything goes so smoothly for us. Therefore, we have to constantly remind ourselves of the trials and tribulations we used to endure, and spend some time thinking about what we have been through, so that we won’t be greedy, angry and ignorant.




Master Lu said,
“Exercise tolerant if you want to continue the relationship and recite Mantra to Untie Karmic Knots.
Act according to his change, while you don’t.

If he’s willing to patch up the relationship with you, then you’ll be grateful to him.
If he’s unwillingly, then you will have peace of mind.

Calm your mind first, and recite the Heart Sutra, and gradually he will accept you, otherwise you have to go with the flow.”



Wenda20200221 20:25 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)

Caller: Master, what characteristics should a person who handles affairs with harmonious perfection be equipped with?

Master Jun Hong Lu: A person who gives space to others, never forces others into a corner; possesses a heart full of tolerance and compassion; and is without greed, hatred and ignorance. Such a person will be able to handle affairs with harmonious perfection.

Caller: I understand now.


Wenda20171119B 29:16 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)

Caller: A Buddhist practitioner would like to attend the Public Talk but he is worried that he may not be able to make it. How should he pray to Bodhisattva to enable him to attend the Public Talk?

Master Jun Hong Lu: With willpower, you can accomplish everything you want in life. It is the most important factor in becoming successful. Where there’s a will there’s a way.


Buddhism Your Question Answered – FAQ About Practicing Buddhism

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< Buddhism in Plain Terms < 白话佛法共修分享