Deepest Gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva.
Deepest Gratitude to all Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and Dharma Protectors.
Deepest Gratitude to Master Jun Hong Lu.
Good afternoon to all Buddhist friends.
I’m very grateful to be given this opportunity to share with you about my personal experience in overcoming my licentious behaviour.
What started out as a typical hangout session with my classmates after the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE), turned out to be my first encounter with pornography. This marked the beginning of a licentious ‘lifestyle’ of mine. I was hooked from that very moment onward.
This deplorable conduct became part and parcel of my life that perpetuated throughout my secondary school and tertiary education. This echoes what Master Lu once said, “It takes three years for a person to learn to be good, but it takes only three days to learn to be bad.”
In no time, watching pornography became an outlet to ‘relieve’ stresses from school that I was starting to lose interest in, not knowing that this was one of the telltale signs of an addiction. I was clueless about the negative implications it has on my academic performance and my relationship with my family.
During this period, my academic performance deteriorated. I might be physically present at school, but my mind would conjure up endless amounts of lustful images and there was no place for anything else. Not surprisingly, my grades in school were appalling and I was a huge let down to my parents.
I hardly had any meaningful conversation with my parents and sibling during those formative years. I felt I was estranged from them and we were like strangers living under the same roof. I would confine myself to my room, mostly indulging in those sinful acts.
Pleased to say, my bearing in life took a dramatic turn after chancing upon Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door one-and-a-half years ago. With encouragement from like-minded Buddhist friends, I embarked on my spiritual cultivation journey. I became a full vegetarian and applied Buddha teachings in my day-to-day life, as I yearned to make good of my previous morally-lacking lifestyle.
After practising Buddhism, my relationship with my family improved significantly. Occasionally, I would prepare some vegetarian dishes for my parents – something that I would never do in the past. It’s comforting to note that my mother is very pleased with my cooking despite being very picky with food.
Looking back in retrospect, I have squandered a substantial part of my youth on sinful acts, inflicting so much harm on myself and my loved ones. At the back of my mind, I know that my negative karma would eventually come to fruition if I did not sincerely repent. Not only that, I would risk my chance of embarking on this last Dharma Vessel ‘home’ if I did not make a complete cut-off from my evil deed. Deep down, I know that missing the Dharma Vessel in exchange for those momentary ‘joy’ is nothing but total absurdity.
After practising Buddhism, I can better appreciate the importance for one to be morally-upright as illustrated in this catch phrase of Master Lu: “Any issue with one’s moral character, however minor, is a serious one; Any issue with other matters, however serious, is a minor one.”
– Master Jun Hong Lu, Words of Wisdom Volume 2
Apart from the Three Golden Buddhist Practices – performing recitation, making great vows and releasing captive lives – and attending the weekly online Buddhism group study, I make it a point to be at the Practice Centre whenever possible. Surrounded by like-minded Buddhist friends in a cosy and warm setting has certainly strengthened my resolve in my Buddhism cultivation journey.
I am deeply grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva, Master Lu, the volunteers and Buddhist friends. Without such marvellous infrastructure for new Buddhist practitioners like me to tap into, it would have been a challenge for us to stay true to our Buddhism practice.
To keep my lust in check, reading the Journey to Heaven and Hell – where vivid scenes of Hell come to life – have been particularly effective on me. Allow me to reproduce one stern warning from the King of Hell (Excerpt from Master Lu’s Q&A (267), 23 November 2018):
“If a Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door practitioner in the Human Realm dares to commit deeds of sexual misconduct, that’s considered breaking precepts knowingly. The Dharma protectors of Guan Yin Citta are extremely strict towards this precept and the punishment is harsh.
Whoever has committed wrongdoings or broken their vows in regards to sexual misconduct, must recite the Eighty-Eight Buddhas Great Repentance (LIFO) 108 times for this misconduct and write a letter of repentance to share among others in the Human Realm so other sentient beings can take a lesson from it. Don’t take your pride seriously; it is worth nothing. Rather, if you see me upon your death, then it is really too late for regrets.”
I would also make use of the opportunity to recite additional times of the Eighty-Eight Buddhas Great Repentance (LIFO), and liberate captive lives on those ‘special’ days to repent for succumbing to lust and going astray in human wilderness. To exterminate this deep-seated bad habit of mine, the majority of my recitation of the Buddhist scriptures goes to meeting this purpose.
To say the least, it has been an uphill climb for me to ‘conquer’ my licentious behaviour but the journey has been a fulfilling one for me. After all, this bad habit has been part of my life for 10 odd years, as aptly put by the famed investment guru Warren Buffett, “The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they’re too heavy to be broken”.
Knowing that these chains of mine have gotten so heavy, I taught myself to be more mindful with my thoughts and actions. I am resolved to strike at these chains with the force of wisdom and awareness – gained through Buddhist teachings – so that they become weaker and weaker until they break, and ultimately, free my mind from those lustful thoughts. With Buddhism and a strong will to change, I believe no obstacle is insurmountable.
Having achieved good successes in subduing this bad habit, these days, I feel refreshed and more energised with greater Dharma bliss in life.
That’s the end of my sharing.
If my sharing is improper in any way, I would like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Dharma Protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
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