Time : Saturday 2pm-4.00pm
Platform : ZOOM Cloud Meeting
Topic of Discussion : Awareness of Karmic Affinities – Part 1
On 10 October 2020, Guan Yin Citta, Singapore held yet another online English Group Study.
❓Do you know that it is the absolute “justice” that exists in this world that retribution is served unfailingly?
This week’s session discussed in great length about the awareness of karmic affinities, shedding light on issues that most of us, if not all, have to contend with in our day-to-day life. It was an enlightening session!
Have you ever questioned:
? Why do I like some people and can’t help but dislike others?
? Why am I so unlucky in life?
? Why am I not getting the credit I deserve?
Through Buddhism teachings, one can gain insights into these commonly asked questions. This reinforces the importance of participating in Buddhism in Plain Terms Group Study, as it equips us with the right mindset and enhances our understanding of the doctrine of cause and effect, when faced with hindrances that could potentially throw us off our spiritual cultivation path.
Buddhist friends were also given pointers on the art of getting along with others. There are people whom we can’t tolerate, but it is critical for us not to deepen the grievances in this life, as they could be carried forward the next life!
Master Lu has once said, “We should always leave some leeway for ourselves and others. True blessing only occurs when we are able to accept any situation and move on.”
The facilitator also discussed about the key to a successful marriage.
Master Lu said, “Every rose has its thorns, and every man has his faults. We need to appreciate others’ strengths and tolerate their shortcomings. It is only through the power of compassion and tolerance that we are able to do so.”
Some useful tips for avoiding a marriage breakdown were also shared during the session. Ultimately, it all boils down to one word: Forbearance.
Finally, let’s bear in mind that our life is like a train ride, with people embarking and alighting; cherish each and every companion on this journey who was with us making those mileages, as ever so aptly encapsulated by Master Lu.
Let us now look at some comments from participants:
“An interesting session especially the topics shared are very closely related to our life.”
“The facilitator has a good insight on important points to remember that we often overlook as trivial.”
? Join us in our next session
Please contact Loh SX (96978356) / Woan Yi SX (82182248) for more information
⏰ Date and time:
Saturday 24 Oct 2020 (2.oopm – 4.00pm)
Please click here to download the Summary Slides shared during the Group Study:
Awareness of Karmic Affinities
< 缘分 Karmic affinity >
Other related words ：
WHAT ARE WE LEARNING TODAY?
1.Why do we get drawn to some people and can’t help but dislike others?
2.Understanding the “Unfair” world we live in
3.Why do we have the Capability but NOT the Opportunity?
4.The Art of Getting Along with Others
5.The Key to a Successful Marriage
THE BUDDHA SPEAKS ABOUT FATE IN RELATIONSHIP
It takes 500 times of coming together with a person in your previous livesto gain one brief encounter with them in your present life. Hence, our every encounter is a reunion after long years of separation.
Everyone you meet in this world, may be friends from your previous lives, someone we have met before.
It’s just that we have all crossed the Bridge of Helplessness and drank the soup that made us forget our past lives. Hence, we have forgotten about one another.
The people we have affinities within this life,are thepeople we have “unsettled” karmic debts with from past lives.
It depends how much you are karmically indebted to them. The more karmic debts you have with them, the longer a person remains in your life. Conversely, if a person comes into your life briefly, it is because you did not owe them much in your past lives.
< The Conception of Love and Hate >
Buddhism in Plain Terms Volume 4, Chapter 35 – An Excerpt
Any form of love or hatred in this mortal world is accumulated from countless lifetimes. If you are deeply in love with someone today, it is because of the love you had for this person in your past lives and the same goes with the hatred you had towards another person. This is an irresolvable problem.
For example, you have carried over 20% of hatred with another person from your past life, which resembles a detonating fuse, if you do not understand the principles behind and start lighting up the fuse everywhere you go, the degree of hatred between you and that persons will increase to 60% – 80% in your next life.
This explains the conception of hatred and gives justification to the phenomena of “madly in love” and “burning with irredeemable hatred”.
It is like a drama, with all of you being the puppets, being controlled by the invisible rope fastened on you. This rope is your fate and destiny, leading you through life by your nose. You are a puppet living in this world, being led by the nose by others.
All the karmic debts that you are repaying now are from the grievances of past lives, which include the karmic debts to your children, husband, wife and parents. They constitute a circle of repayment of which the dues may not be completely settled even until the day you die. What’s more? You also need to make repayment for karmic debts incurred in this life, in your following life.
< Understanding the “Unfair” World we live in >
Buddhism in Plain Terms Volume 1, Chapter 9 – An Excerpt
One important misconception is when people think, “I have never harmed anyone in my life; why is life so cruel to me or why do I lose out to the one whose capability is no match for me?”
In fact, this involves the nature of one’s “fate” but what is its determining factor? Fate is decided the moment we were born, subject to the combination of our past lives’ blessings, merits, karma, and retribution. (福报功德业障恶报综合而定的)
Students who come from the same class, some are exceptionally intelligent while others are slow-witted. However, after they leave school, the exceptional intelligent ones are not given enough opportunities to show their abilities and have a mediocre career. While those with mediocre aptitude turned out to be the high-flyers in life. This is because what was sown in one’s past life is what one reaps in this life. (由前世因导致的今生果)
You may be a good person and have never harmed anyone in this life, but you might have done a lot of bad things in your previous life. As such, chances are, you will start from a low point in life. Retribution is served in the form of suffering that you undergo. (受这些苦来受报)Not only must you understand this truth, but you should also apply this knowledge in your daily life.
It is not that the “unfair” world has put you in your current situation. Rather, it is due to the absolute “justice” that exists in this world that retribution is served unfailingly (报应是不爽的).
The “injustices” (不公) that you see, are the summation of your karma from past lives. That said, your each and every “account” today will be recorded and continued to be assessed in your future life.
< Viewing Life through a Lens of Injustice >
Buddhism in Plain Terms Volume 1, Chapter 6 – An Excerpt
SPIRITUAL CULTIVATION IS AKIN TO TREADING ON THIN ICE
In this secular life of ours, vexations frequently occur as we meet with all kinds of injustices. For example, our efforts are not being recognised at the workplace, we are being denied rightful promotions. Or, our contributions to our children and family members are not being appreciated.
Due to the variation in our level of understanding, how we perceive matters and our approaches in managing interpersonal relationships differ.
We are frequently being misunderstood, criticised, and even defamed by others. Such cases are extremely common in our lives. Such injustices, be it subjective or objective, are forms of obstacles that hinder our spiritual cultivation in the secular world.
Under such circumstances, if we practise and apply our understanding and knowledge on the principles of Dharma, we will realise such worries and injustices are insignificant.
For example, a person may feel that his manager is incapable but was promoted as the General Manager based on the number of years of his diligent service in the company, while his competence (self-proclaimed) did not receive due recognition.
You have to face the fact that your lack of recognition at workplace and your failure in job searches had nothing to do with others, as you are entrapped in your own karmic obstacles, like a thorough-bred horse that wasn’t appreciated.
To attain a smooth sailing life, first and foremost, you have to eliminate your karmic obstacles.
Regardless of what you think about the manager’s capability, the fact of the matter is that he has a bright future and is benefitting from the help of a benefactor. For all you know, he had cared for a lonely elderly in his previous life that resulted in this positive retribution.
With such knowledge, you will naturally understand the doctrine of Cause and Effect and more likely to seize the day, strive to eliminate your karmic obstacles and perform more virtuous deeds.
< IS BEING BULLIED A KARMA FROM PAST LIFE? >
wenda20120406 01:12:47 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)
Caller: For a person who is susceptible to being bullied, is he reaping the karmic fruit sowed from his past life or it is the bully who is creating new karmic seed in this life?
Master Jun Hong Lu: This is a very good question! Many people say: “The reason this person often gets bullied is he was a bully in his previous life.” Is there such a possibility that the person who is being bullied had never bullied anyone in his previous life?
In any bully cases, karmic conflicts (冤结) being the “trigger” must have existed between the bully and the victim. As to how major is the karmic conflict, nobody knows. One thing for sure, there must be some to begin with. To make it worse, in this life, this person is ignorant, went against his conscience and created new karma.
When he realized that he can easily intimidate and deceive the other person, he took advantage of the opportunities and continued to do so. With that, he generates new karma on top of the old ones (旧业中又造了新业). This is when the karmic debt incurred becomes even more serious.
wenda20111230 41:17 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)
IS IT CONSIDERED THE WORKINGS OF KARMA IF OUR CUSTOMERS MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR US
Caller: We are faced with difficult customers at work, some demanding discounts, some refusing to pay, etc., can we regard these problems as the workings of the Law of Karma?
Master Jun Hong Lu: Some are due to the law of karma while others are the creation of new karma. However, it is difficult to distinguish the two.
For example, many people say “He bullies me”, do you think this is the working of karma? If this person bullies you, it must be that he had been bullied by you in his previous life. However, it is difficult for one to gauge how far he can go.
If he continues to bully you, he is actually redeeming the karmic debts you owed him. Even so, if he goes too far, unfortunately, he is sowing a new cause which goes into another cycle of Cause and Effect.
You shouldn’t hate this person at all. When you understand the origin of your affinity with him, whatever happens will seem realistic to you. That said, it is important that you do not give rise to hatred towards him.
Many people do not understand this. If you hate him, firstly, you will hurt yourself, and secondly, you are simply making enemies.
As the Chinese saying goes “It is better to squash enmity rather than keeping it alive.” (冤家宜解不宜结).
< Why do our Capabilities go Unnoticed? >
wenda20111230 41:17 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)
THE CAUSE FOR ONE TO HAVE TALENT BUT NO OPPORTUNITY
Caller: What is the cause for one’s unrecognised talent?
Master Jun Hong Lu: A man who is always lustful (好色) will surely have his capabilities go unrecognized (怀才不遇).
For e.g. a businessman who flirts with women all the time will have a lot of “yin” energy in him. He will suffer from bad luck and his business will be ruined.
Lewd women on the other hand, will slowly degenerate and their face will start to appear abnormal. They will start to wear heavy makeup on their eyes. Take a look at such a person and you will know what they look like – ghosts! Those standing in front of the brothels like in the movies. That’s how they look.
Master Jun Hong Lu‘s Public Talk, Paris, France – 6 September 2019
In life, we should not complain that our talent is not tapped (怀才不遇). In fact, hidden talent is very much like being pregnant. Why? It is just a matter of time that it will be discovered. Hence, if you have the talent, you should not think that they are not being appreciated. Instead, think of it as your talent has yet to be fully honed. (才华还没有到位)
In addition, talented people should not believe in their own infallibility (自以为是). The earth will remain in orbit and rotate accordingly, irrespective of one’s existence. Since the beginning of time, talented people, who are haughty and arrogant (贡高我慢), tend to attract jealousy.
Therefore, we should remain humble and prudent, regardless of how capable we are, and do our part well – after all, “gold will definitely glitter and shine” (是金子总会发光).
We will be respected and loved by others as a practising Buddhist.
< THE ART OF GETTING ALONG WITH OTHERS >
Are you willing to help your Enemy?
When one gave up the opportunity to take revenge on their enemy and chose to help them with a forgiving heart instead, that’s the nobility in its truest sense; the important qualities of a human and the starting point of Buddhism practice.
We are in this human realm now, there are people whom we can’t tolerate. But the reality of life is, when we create enmity with others, we are only creating more sufferings for ourselves.
Everyone wants to be blessed in life, not knowing that in actual sense, true blessing is when we are able to accept any situation and move on.
Buddhism in Plain Terms Episode 10 (An Excerpt)
CEASE BLAMING OTHERS
When people encounter problems, the first thing they do is to blame others, “It’s all your fault! ”. They even slander other people. They want others to give in, but they never compromise. Keep in mind that if you always expect others to compromise, you will gradually become paranoid and be obsessed with the concept of self. As time goes by, you would lose your Buddha-mind. After some time, you may even quit your Buddhist practice and spiritual cultivation.
I want you to understand, the reason why you are sowing irretrievable evil causes is that you have been doing so every hour, every minute and every second of your life. You may question “How did I offend him?” This is what people often ask, “How did I offend him? I really don’t understand what I have done? Why did he treat me so poorly?”
The fact of the matter is, you didn’t smile at him and what you said and how you said it was nasty.
Imagine a couple quarrelling.
One of them asks, “Why are you picking fightswith me today?”
“Because of something you just said!”.
“When did I say that?”
“You don’t even know what you just said?”
“You don’t even want to admit what you just said?”
“When did I say that?”
People sow many negative causes like these due to their ignorance; not realizing that they have negative impacts on their future and career.
I have always told you that our greatest enemy is ourselves. To correct our shortcomings is to conquer ourselves. Only then we can overcome all difficulties and pains in life. Remember, your job is not to conquer others but to conquer yourself! You won’t be troubled by affliction or suffering, once you are able to do that.
For example, it is normal to get angry when others yell at you. However, if you are able to take control of your temper by telling yourself, “I mustn’t get angry because if I do, I am the one who will suffer. He can slander me all he likes, I know well I’m not like what he claimed I am, so it doesn’t matter.”
This is how you conquer yourself.
Master Jun Hong Lu‘s Public Talk, Auckland, New Zealand – 10 November 2019
LEAVING ROOM FOR MANOEUVRE
Anish Kapoor, a contemporary British sculptor, became famous overnight with his sculpture “Descent into Limbo”.
One day, a reporter from the famous British newspaper “The Sunday Times” interviewed him. The reporter, who was a sculpture amateur, wanted to ask Kapoor the secret of a good sculptor, and probed, “Dear Mr. Kapoor, can you tell us the secret of your success?”.
Kapoor only said, “Actually, there is no secret at all. My personal experience is, to be a good sculptor, you only need to do two things. First, when sculpting, you have to carve the figure’s nose a bit bigger and second, sculpt the eyes smaller.”
The reporter was puzzled and asked again, “Why do you want to do this? If the nose is big and the eyes are small, wouldn’t the sculpture look ugly?”
Kapoor explained, “Carving the nose big and the eyes small leaves room for modification. Think about it, a big nose allows you to make it small, and you can expand out the small eyes, if need be. On the contrary, if you carve a small nose at the outset, it will be ugly no matter how you modify it. Similarly, if you carve the eyes very big in the beginning, there is no way that you can modify and make them small”.
Kapoor enlightens us with the wisdom of leaving room for manoeuvre (留有余地的智慧). In our interaction with people and dealing of matters, we should leave some leeway for ourselves and others (回旋的余地).
For example, we should be considerate in our speech and should not go overboard when dealing with issues. Only then, we can enjoy freedom of movement, while putting others at ease.
In Buddhism, this is known as “Tolerance can bring about acceptance from others, and compassion can resolve grievances” (宽容能聚人气，慈悲能化解冤气). These are the qualities that put us in an impregnable position (立于不败之地).
In life, we know that compromise makes conflicts easier to resolve (退一步海阔天空). But why are there still people who will remain obstinate and choose not to budge even over the most insignificant matters (钻死牛角尖). Why are they so pushy and aggressive all their life? Don’t they know that everyone deserves some wiggle room?
Buddhism in Plain Terms Volume 1, Chapter 1
HOW TO LIVE IN HARMONY WITH OTHERS
‘Harmony is a precious virtue’ (和为贵). Now, let me expound on the idea of ‘harmony’ in this saying. The common understanding of this term would be about gentle placidity, but it should also refer to how the ideals of harmony must form the basis of all intentions (一切都要以“和”为出发点). Many are unaware of this underlying meaning, and mistakenly believe that harmony refers to living in harmony and to have a peaceful coexistence.
In reality, what is invaluable is to have good intentions as this will result in easy resolution of issues regardless of the situation faced. It is only through achieving harmony that we can gradually reconcile our thoughts and understandings with the way we live our life.
Wenda20130414B 12:14 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)
RECITING MORE HEART SUTRA CAN ENHANCE BENEFACTOR LUCK
Caller: Can Master Lu enlighten me about this: reciting more Heart Sutra can generate positive affinity with people, which in turn will make it easier to meet our benefactors (贵人).
Master Jun Hong Lu: Yes. The Heart Sutra is akin to greeting others and it helps you gain wisdom. A wise person will neither engage in quarrels with others nor scold others; he is someone who is always willing to help others and ready to sacrifice himself for the benefits of the greater good for others.
Undeniably, a person who gains wisdom from his recitation of more Heart Sutra, will have more positive affinities; with improved affinity, don’t you think you will be able to meet more benefactors? Consequently, when you treat everyone as a benefactor, don’t you think you have formed your benefactor luck?
Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Hong Kong, China – 4 July 2016
REGULAR RECITATION OF LITTLE HOUSE TO RESOLVE KARMIC CONFLICTS TO ENHANCE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
Question: For a person who does not have any particular negative affinities (恶缘) but only wished to enhance his interpersonal relationship, can he recite Little House to Resolve Karmic Conflicts (化解冤结的小房子) on a regular basis?
For more information about the Little House to Resolve Karmic Conflicts, please refer to the book:
< What to do when others are Karmically Indebted to us? >
Master Jun Hong Lu’s Discourse (Question 84)
WHEN WE DO NOT EXPECT REPAYMENT OF KARMIC DEBTS, WILL THE OTHER PARTY SUFFER FROM THE KARMIC RETRIBUTION?
Question: If a person knows that others are karmically indebted to him, but he isn’t keen to have them repay, will the debts be accumulated into blessings or merits? In that case, will it save the other party from the karmic retribution?
Answer: When you don’t wish for others to pay back, the virtue will be saved up (善德存起来).If you know that your wife is karmically indebted to you, and you abuse her. Initially, it may appear that the wife is making repayment of her karmic debts, however, with the formation of negative affinity, the karmic obstacles will build-up. Even though it looks like you have the right to ill-treat her but if you choose not to do so, you are actually accumulating good fortune and virtues. (积福积德)
If you are karmically indebted to someone, not only do you have to recite the Buddhist scriptures, you still need to pay back what you owed through material means in this living world .
In the case where you do not expect the other party to repay you, that person will still suffer from the karmic retribution after.Once, there was a scholar. On the first day of the new year, he came across a manure picker whose body was covered with manure. It turned out that this manure picker, in his previous life, has owed the scholar his life.
If the scholar were to recklessly fight the picker due to this incident, that poor man may just die in his hands. Instead, the scholar practised patience and did not do anything. In the end, the manure picker suffered from a fever and passed away.
As long as you are karmically indebted to someone, you would need to make repayment. As Buddhists, we should go all out to perform recitation of sutras to reach a resolution for both parties (双方就化掉).
If both parties are karmically indebted to one another, payback is necessary for both as the karmic debts will not be mutually offset (不能相互抵消).
PART 2 – Marriage
< Forbearance is Key in Marriage >
Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Brisbane, Australia – 9 June 2016
We need to be tolerant to diversity and it takes a big heart that is all-embracing to be able to do so. In all that we do, we need to be broad-minded. After all, every rose has its thorn, and every man has his faults. Just like how we find that no gold is sufficiently red, we should understand that no one can be perfect.We need to appreciate others’ strengths and tolerate their shortcomings. It is only through the power of compassion and tolerance (慈悲之心和容人之量) that we are able to do so.
< The Truth about our Affinities with Family Members >
Wenda20110624 (Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program)
DESTINY BRINGS ENEMIES TOGETHER AS A FAMILY
Caller: Hi Master, let me share with you this: My relationship with my husband turned sour two years after our marriage, and this has persisted over the past six to seven years. I have started practising Buddhism for more than a year now and since then, I have been reciting the Mantra to Untie the Karmic Knots (Jie Jie Zhou).
Just one week ago, I had a dream, and it wasabout my past life with my husband. In that life, we were also a couple. He murdered me with a knife before dismembering my corpse.
Caller: The lady police officer, who was tasked to protect me in that life, failed to do so due to her unsound reflex, and now, in this present life, she is my daughter. Through this dream, I now truly understand how horrifying the cycle of rebirth could be. We don’t have the slightest clue about the type of people that could end up as part of our family nucleus.
Master Lu: You are exactly right! Destiny brings enemies together as a family (冤结才凑成一家子).
Let me tell you this: Had you not dreamed of the lady police officer, who is now your daughter, and your husband of your past life murdering and dismembering your dead body, you would never know how the three of you are interconnected.
Now you understand why, at times, I am not willing to divulge information like these to all? It does no one any good by knowing. In fact, it is potentially troubling! Do you wish to know how your life would end in this life?
Caller: My guess is he would continue to bully me and push me beyond my limits. And, if I did not practise Buddhism, I may end up killing him sometime in the future which will then perpetuate the continuation of our cycle of rebirth.
Master Lu: Correct!
Caller: However, this dream has strengthened my resolve in practising Buddhism. I will be diligent to learn from Master Lu and to transcend the cycle of rebirth. I will definitely do so. I will ensure that I repay all my dues, clear all my negative karmic debts and eventually transcend the harrowing cycle of rebirth.
Master Lu: You are exactly right!
Caller: I would like to tell all Buddhist friends that we should not be too obsessed with our own families’ relationships, as they are all transient and illusory. Nothing here is real!
Master Lu: Now you understand? This is what being “Disillusioned with the mortal world”means (看破红尘).
It should not be looked upon as a pessimistic outlook. Instead, it is a positive attitude as your knowledge of the illusory nature of all phenomena makes you more steadfast in your spiritual cultivation.
Caller: Yes! Thank you to Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu for giving me an opportunity to chance upon Buddhism in this lifetime. I will surely remain steadfast in my Buddhism cultivation. I surely will…
< Testimony Sharing >
Guan Yin Citta Allowed Me To Find My Spiritual Abode & Solve My Marital Problem
< The Key to a Successful Marriage >
Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk , Hong Kong, China – 2012
From the Buddhism perspective, Master Lu advises us to be tolerant in order to maintain harmonious relationships in the family. Below are his tips on how to avoid breakdown in marriage:
Avoid criticising your spouse’s parents or anyone that he/she looks up to, as this is something that will hurt his/her feelings the most.
As the old saying goes, “it takes more than one cold day for the river to freeze three feet deep”. Hence never go on a “cold war” or withdraw from one another after an argument.
Avoid discussing your own family matters with common friends, as your spouse will eventually get to know about it and your relationship will turn even colder.
To be reborn as a female is not only pitiful from the physiological aspects but because despite being married, they would still need to work, take care of the children, manage household chores, etc. As a husband, did you provide her with an exquisite life in return?
Regrettably, it is the contrary; you berate and abuse her. Her life resembles that of a slave who selflessly gives all that she has to you and she is fully devoted to you even though you have nothing to offer her in return. Even if you spend your money to hire a maid, do you think she is capable of doing all these?
On that note, the reason for Guan Yin Bodhisattva to manifest himself into a woman’s body to save sentient beings is to evoke the spirit of compassion within us. Therefore, be kind to women.
As for men, they are pathetic too and why do I say that? Men do not cry easily as they feel that crying is a sign of weakness. However, they are under tremendous pressure both at home and outside, with nowhere to express their feelings. As such, they will occasionally lose their temper or feel miserable. Unfortunately, a wife who fails to empathise with her husband will continue to nag him.
As a result, the husband will start to feel tense and become uptight. It is worth noting that, when a man represses his emotion for a long period of time, it will shorten his lifespan. Well, this is evident from the fact that there are more elderly ladies than elderly men on the street. Hence, women should learn to cherish men too.
< Understanding Relations: Marriage Infidelity >
Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk , Hong Kong, China – 23 June 2015
Question: There is a Buddhist friend, she is very diligent, has been very active in propagating the Dharma, and has made some relatively great vows too. Her only issue is with her marital problem which she can’t seem to get over. They have been separated for seven years and her husband is now involved with an extra-marital affair and has a one-year-old childwith the other woman. Master Lu, can you give this Buddhist friend some advice?
Answer: It’s very simple. You have to remember, affinity brings people together (人跟人都是缘分). Hence, when the affinity comes to an end, they will part. In this case, her husband has a predestined affinity with another woman instead who even gave birth to his child. To deal with this, you should have the mentality, “They are sentient beings all the same, so I must also help them”.
If you have a big heart, perhaps you should aim to help the child establish a relationship with Buddhism as he is growing up. If you can do that, you can be assured that the child will treat you equally well. You have to treat other people’s children as your own. In that case, you will not be angry or sad. What’s the big deal? The problem is, you regard your husband as your own private property which you don’t wish to give to others.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t think the same as you. The only thing you can do is to accept that “what’s gone is gone”, “what is lost is lost”. In that case, you should just accord with conditions. One day if your husband comes back to you, you should help him establish a relationship with Buddhism. Don’t cry, be strong.
In life, relationships are a matter of major importance. Those that could not be resolved are generally brought forward from one’s past lives. Your husband has no intention to ascend to heaven. If he does those bad things, he will go to hell. You just focus on making it to heaven. Should one day he cries for your help from hell, you can at least help him. With this mentality, you will not be troubled.
As long as we have the Buddha and sentient beings in our hearts, all other matters are of little value or importance.
What’s paramount is to help all predestined sentient beings (广度有缘) and to become a Buddha.