Dear Buddhist friends,
This year, the Mid-Autumn Festival (or Zhong Qiu Jie in Mandarin) falls on 17 September 2024 (the 15th day of the eighth lunar month).
At the heart of this cultural festival associated with the moon and moon appreciation (赏月) lies the tradition of family reunion. In fact, this occasion is all about unity and togetherness as it serves as an opportunity for family members to come together, reunite, and strengthen the bond that ties us together.
In celebration of this Reunion Festival let us be reminded that our Master once said, “An environment where positive affinity is aplenty is beneficial for one’s physical and mental wellbeing”. In other words, it is the quality of our relationships that determines the quality of our lives.
Let’s take a moment now to reflect:
💡 What does it mean to be in harmony with someone?
💡 How do you forge a harmonious relationship in times of strife with your spouse, family, friends and colleagues?
💡 Are interpersonal skills exclusive to those who are generally good at socialising? Or is it a skill that can be honed by anyone?
If you are interested in finding answers to the above questions, this pack may be just what you are looking for.
Titled: “THE KEY TO ACHIEVING A WELL-ROUNDED INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP”, this week’s collection of discourses feature helpful tips to overcome difficult interpersonal relationship issues. They will give you the opportunity to address the underlying issues, prevent the situation from getting worse, improve your relationships with others and last but not least, to build stronger and more fulfilling connections.
With this, it is our hope that as you immerse yourself in the festivity, you will savour the deeper meaning of completeness and perfection in your interpersonal relationship. May the teachings in this pack empower you to light up others’ world as you light up the lanterns this Mid-Autumn Festival!
AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE POSITIVE AFFINITY IS APLENTY IS BENEFICIAL FOR ONE’S PHYSICAL AND MENTAL WELLBEING
Master Jun Hong Lu: Buddhist practice is about regulating the mind, transforming one’s self-centredness (改变自我的思维) such that one can gain clarity of thought. It is with the purity of mind, coupled with the ability to rise above the notion of self and the means to see through the reality of things that one truly discerns the meaning of letting go (真正的放下). In fact, this is also the antidote to modern society’s issues of depression.
Here’s a true story: There was this person who so hated one of her co-workers so much that the other party’s voice would make her simmer, and the sight of her running around at the workplace would make her feel disgusted. It got so bad to the extent that a mere glimpse of her would make her stomach churn. Despite seeking innumerable medical help, both western and traditional Chinese medicine, nothing seemed to be able to cure her ailment.
This went on for sometime until one fine day, the negative affinity between the two of them ended (恶缘结束), and the positive affinity started to take effect (善缘到了). Soon after, an opportunity came up for the both of them to work together as a team which brought them to rely on each other and guess what? They became besties. As soon as the knots in her heart were disentangled, decades of stomach problems likewise disappeared. She can now eat without any difficulty. This demonstrates how our inner thoughts and actions control our physical and mental health.
Our human mind is like a mirror that reflects external circumstances and allows them to penetrate our heart.
Bad circumstances hurt our emotions, while favourable ones make us feel motivated.
Favourable circumstances are made possible through practising Buddhism.
So, let’s seize the opportunity and embark on this spiritual path!
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s Daily Buddhism In Plain Terms, 19 May 2021
LESSON FROM ROCKEFELLER: SEE THE GOOD OF OTHERS TO BRING THE BEST OUT OF THEM
Master Jun Hong Lu: The American oil magnate, John Davidson Rockefeller, was known for his rare ability to brush others’ missteps aside. His broad-mindedness and humorous demeanour helped him foster good rapport with his co-workers.
Once, his business partner, Edward Bedford, suffered a loss of close to a million US dollars in one of the business ventures in South America. Bedford felt so bad over it that he was baffled, not knowing how to explain it to the chairman, Rockefeller, knowing well that he would be reprimanded.
One afternoon, Bedford caught a glimpse of Rockefeller walking towards him, while having a conversation with another person. In fear of having to come face to face with Rockefeller and explain the South American business failure, Bedford quickened his pace in hopes of avoiding Rockefeller.
Right at this moment, Rockefeller, who was walking behind, called out to Bedford, “Hey, my old friend, it’s good that you are here. We were just talking about your business venture in South America”.
Bedford nervously replied, “Boss, indeed we suffered a huge loss. We only managed to ring fence 60% of our investment”.
Upon hearing this, Rockefeller nonchalantly retorted, “What are you talking about? What have you done wrong? Nothing! In fact, we owe it to your skillful handling of the situation that allowed us to safeguard 60% of our investment. It was a job well done! The results were better than we expected. We couldn’t be more grateful to you”.
Those few words uttered by Rockefeller were enough for Bedford to let go of his emotional baggage. In return, he repaid the kindness demonstrated by Rockefeller with gratitude and loyalty which paved the way for the business to thrive. It was the faith that Rockefeller had in him that Bedford was able to move on from the investment fiasco and take the business to greater heights.
In our interpersonal relationship, friction and conflict are inevitable. In times like this, we should be tolerant towards one another. It also makes sense to close an eye to others’ shortcomings (难得糊涂一下), be more patient and accommodating (忍让) and not fuss over minor matters (不要斤斤计较). In fact, in accepting minor losses and taking a conciliatory stance (做点退让的姿势), you are protecting yourself.
Let me tell you, to succeed in this world, one must learn two things:
first, the ability to be at a disadvantage (吃亏);
second, the ability to endure hardships.
At times, being a little silly is a positive mental attitude. After all, everything in this world is illusory. Think about it: Why is it that all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas do not look at this world with Their eyes wide open? In fact, Their eyes are perpetually only 30% open and 70% shut because They see the falsity of this world and They understand that every worldly occurrence is nothing but an illusion. Hence, They will never take any of the worldly phenomena too seriously.
In dealing with others, we should learn not to bear grudges, we should let go of our attachments and stop being petty-minded. All these are the Buddha’s teachings that are meant to nurture our ability to forgive, tolerate and last but not least, to blend in harmoniously with others.
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s Public Talk, Spain, 14 May 2016
RESPECT OTHERS AND YOU SHALL GAIN WISDOM AND SUPPORT
Master Jun Hong Lu: Buddhist practitioners should have the strength to persevere as they tread on their spiritual path. Sometimes, it is necessary to establish good connections with others (要广结善缘) in order to create a more supportive environment. We are bound for failure if we solely rely on our energy to get things done. In fact, we may even be overwhelmed by challenges. This underscores the importance of always listening to others’ opinions because this is where we can gain wisdom. And that’s precisely the reason I always advise all of you to learn to respect others because wisdom grows in a humble heart (谦卑才能得到智慧)!
How does wisdom come about?
When you are so humble that you go, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand that, could you please explain it to me?”
Such humility is likely to make others feel happy and willing to share with you. Wouldn’t you learn from there? Wouldn’t you say that you have acquired the knowledge of others, transforming it into your own wisdom? Otherwise, how else would you gain wisdom? In truth, when you learn the vast wisdom of others, wouldn’t you be wise as a result?
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s Buddhism In Plain Terms, Volume 8 Chapter 10
THOSE WHO EXUDE POSITIVITY WILL RECEIVE THE LOVE AND RESPECT OF OTHERS
Master Jun Hong Lu: A person’s thoughts, when righteous, are categorised as ‘yang’ (positive) energy. When you go, “I’m going to help others today”, you are filled with ‘yang’ energy. Conversely, the ‘yin’ (negative) energy stems from a perverse mind.
Assuming, you say, “I’m going to teach him a lesson and let him have a taste of his own medicine”, the ‘yin’ energy will arise within you. These are the examples of how positive and negative energy can manifest.
How does one get his positive energy? It stems from their impartiality, selflessness (大公无私) and their ability to manage matters in good conscience with no personal biases whatsoever. People with such positive traits will not be fearful even if someone knocks on their doors in the middle of the night.
Conversely, those who spend their time scheming others are the ones who, upon stepping foot into their office, will first read the facial expressions of their co-workers. Their minds will start to churn, “Gosh, this person does not seem very nice. Why is this person staring at me this way? Did the boss hear of my comments yesterday and tell him about it?”, and the list goes on and on. They start to panic because they have said too many negative things behind other people’s backs.
One who does not speak ill of others may just go, “Why is this person acting weird today? Anyway, I have not done anything wrong to him”, and he will remain calm. The kind of energy derived is known as ‘yang’ energy.
Another scenario is a husband returns home late from work after committing some misdeed outside. His wife hardly notices anything different when he steps in, and she casually blurts out, “Where have you been?” This question is enough to get the husband thinking, “Oh no! She must have discovered what I have been up to”.
Conversely, if the husband has been busily working overtime, when he returns home, his wife asks, “How was your day today? Where have you been?”, the husband will go, “You got to be kidding. Of course I have been at work! Go ahead and check on me if you wish!” This is what positive energy is about – it makes you bold and confident (理直气壮). On the flip side, negative energy makes you cringe (畏畏缩缩) and speechless.
In fact, positive energy will give out a type of light. One who is selfless (心中无私) will have a halo (光环) above his head. This explains the bright aura above the heads of those who are spiritually well-cultivated. Frankly speaking, it is the light of a well-liked person that will draw others to him. Hence, it is not surprising to see how others love to be around a well-cultivated person. Do you know why? It’s the light that his body emits.
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s World Buddhist Fellowship Meeting, Penang, Malaysia, 23 January 2015
HOW TO ACT IN ACCORDANCE WITH KARMIC CONDITIONS?
Master Jun Hong Lu: Interpersonal relationship is dependent on affinity (缘分) and the confluence of a host of factors such as human, material, financial, time and space.
Why do we bring the space factor (空间) into the equation? This is because it is a very important factor.
What is space exactly? When we attempt to achieve something but fail, this is when you should take a step back to buy yourself a bit of time before revisiting the matter. Do not be fixated on it because when you try too hard and things reach an extreme, they are likely to move in the opposite direction (物极必反).
The time factor is very important. Couples should not expect things to return to normalcy in the immediate aftermath of an argument. In fact, it is important to give each other space for the hearts to reconnect, allowing time to gradually heal the wound.
Many people tend to have this notion after a fight, “It should be alright by now since I’ve gotten over it. Why can’t he move on? What a petty character…” Actually, it is not possible for people to immediately forget about something that has happened. In fact, it is normal for them to take it to heart.
As such, it is important to buy yourself some time and space as only then can you attain satisfactory outcomes in everything you do.
When the karmic conditions ripen (因缘成熟), seize the opportunity and run with it.
Every worldly phenomenon is constantly changing (事物都是在恒常变化当中). In other words, nothing is permanent in this world. As such, when an opportunity presents itself, if you do not grab it, it will slip through your fingers before you know it.
When an opportunity comes knocking at your door, you must grab it. It is a pity that many people miss these favourable yet brief karmic conditions.
Just like many people do not have the opportunity to encounter the dharma and chances are, they will never get to hear the dharma ever for the rest of their lives.
There are also people who lacked the determination to carry through a certain task during their younger days, and end up wallowing in regrets for the rest of their lives.
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s World Buddhist Fellowship Meeting, New York, USA, 16 September 2016
HOW DO WE GRASP AT GOOD DISCRETION THIS CONCEPT: ‘GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK’?
Caller: When others deceive us, on one hand it is a good thing to happen as it allows us to pay off our karmic debts (还债) and eliminate our negative karma (消业). However, from another perspective, it is not good as it is our foolishness that presents an opportunity for others to create negative karma. How should we grasp at good discretion this concept ‘get the short end of the stick’ (to be at a disadvantage) (吃亏)?
Master Jun Hong Lu: ‘Willing to be at a disadvantage’ does not mean an unprincipled compromise. Rather, your forbearance is based on an existential foundation, that is, when you think, “I choose to compromise as I understand, ‘compromise will make a conflict much easier to resolve’ (退一步海阔天空). It doesn’t matter if I suffer a little loss; I am willing to practise forbearance”. And you demonstrate to the other party your endurance. This is the kind of ‘disadvantage’ that is good for you.
Some people think that ‘to get the shorter end of the stick’ means, “I don‘t care about anything, anymore. Just do as you wish.” This is not forbearance; this is being ‘unprincipled’,and the effect of this characteristic is grave.
Let’s take a simple example in our everyday life. The parents say, “Since affinity has brought this child to us, we shall just repay our karmic debts to him. He can do whatever he wishes”.
By adopting this attitude, don’t you think you are destroying this child? You still need to point out his mistakes. When negative affinity arises between you and the child, and he starts to quarrel with family members, this is when you keep your silence and perform your recitation. You chant for him and help him behind the scenes.
This is one way to manage the relationship – also referred to as ‘getting the shorter end of the stick’ (吃亏). This is the type of ‘disadvantage’ you are willing to be in as you are able to help him. Do you understand?
Source: Shuohua20130823 26:25, Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program
PUT YOURSELF IN OTHERS’ SHOES; REMEMBER THE GOOD OF OTHERS
Master Jun Hong Lu: What are the ways to eliminate our resentment towards others (去除对别人的憎恶)? We must adopt the habit of putting ourselves in others’ shoes. We should understand that everyone has their own struggles in this world. Hence, we should learn to forgive and always think of the good that they have done.
Regardless of what happens, you must first remember those times when the person had treated you well. No matter what you are facing, you should apply your compassion and think, “I am also not any different from them”. Only then, you will not go in the wrong direction (不会走偏差).
Sometimes, one single thought can wrought upon us suffering that lasts for a lifetime (害我们一生痛苦). On the flip side, one single wholesome thought can bring about enduring good reputation (流芳百世) and allow us to save sentient beings.
Wholesome thoughts are the basis of being human and the foundation of one’s success in life. One mere wholesome thought can determine one’s success and happiness in life (一念善决定了你人生的成败与苦乐).
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s World Buddhist Fellowship Meeting, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, 25 December 2016
LESSON FROM A YOUNG MONK: HELPING YOUR ENEMY IS ALWAYS FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN DESTROYING THEM! 小和尚一招制敌的方法！
< Buddhism in Plain Terms < 白话佛法共修分享
