THE RELUCTANCE TO COMPLIMENT OTHERS IS A SIGN OF ARROGANCE
Caller: Am I right to say that people do not like to give compliments because of their extreme arrogance?
Master Jun Hong Lu: That is for sure. When you say, “I simply don’t like to compliment others”, it is a sign of arrogance which, in a way, is also jealousy. As much as you may deny being jealous of others, I can confidently tell you that there is jealousy in you because your behaviour in itself generates the root cause of jealousy.
If you see the good in others, why do you hesitate to compliment them? What’s wrong with praising others? Do you think that by saying good things about others means you are putting yourself down? It is so common these days for people to think that praising others implies their own inferiority complex. What kind of mentality is that?
What’s wrong with telling others they look good? What’s wrong with complimenting others for their dignified appearance? When you say, “This child is so well-behaved”, “Wow, you are not only beautiful, you can sing really well”, what’s wrong with these compliments?
When you have a wholesome heart, everything that comes out of it is kind and beautiful. Conversely, if you are critical about everything around you, or if you are jealous of this and have hatred for that, all that is generated from your heart can only be bad vibes.
Caller: Actually, when we speak well of others, we will also feel happy because the joy that we bring to others will rub off on us.
Master Jun Hong Lu: Exactly! There may be times when you feel awkward and embarrassed when a specific person becomes the object of praise in a meeting. Let me share with you a very effective method to resolve this.
Give this a shot: Try speaking even more highly of the person. For example, you have always been the one being praised at your workplace, however, this time, people go, “So-and-so is awesome, he is such a…”. At this moment, you can sense that everyone is staring at you, which makes you feel, “What a disgrace! He is so much better than me”. In psychology, this is known as “psychological relativity”.
Those words are targeted at the other person, but you perceive it to be directed at you. You turn red in the face from shame so much that you were dying to think of something sarcastic to say which will obviously make things worse.
Let me teach you a method. The next time your superior compliments someone else instead of you, you should step forward, just like a boss, and say, “That’s true! Our manager is spot on in his assessment about so-and-so. Indeed, he is very outstanding in every single aspect of his work”. Once you say this, your state of mind is elevated and this will deter others from speaking ill of you.
Caller: I see.
Master Jun Hong Lu: This area is extensively covered in psychology studies. In fact, I’ve plans to allocate a session to focus on psychology.
Caller: That’s great. Thank you, Master.
Source: Wenda20170813A 57:40, Master Jun Hong Lu’s call-in radio program
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