Q: Dear Master Lu, my parents are currently selecting a burial site for themselves. What should we be mindful of? Also, regarding for the burial arrangements in the future, what should we be aware of?
A:
- While family members are still alive, it is best not to rush into making such arrangements, such as selecting a burial site or purchasing a coffin, as these are considered inauspicious.
- It is even more unfavourable if, after choosing a burial site, you have your name engraved on the headstone. This is akin to registering yourself with the Underworld in advance.
- The relationship between husband and wife in this world arises from karmic affinity. After passing away, there is no need to insist on being buried together. One may follow conditions, and being buried separately is also appropriate.
- When an elder in the family passes away, the names of the younger family members should not be engraved on the headstone. It is generally sufficient to write, “Respectfully offered by the family.”
- Eight hours after the passing of a family member, post-death matters may be attended to. Whether the body is buried intact or cremated is acceptable. If cremation is chosen, the urn containing the ashes should also be laid to rest in the ground.
- The deceased’s body must not be divided and buried in separate locations, nor should the ashes be scattered into rivers, lakes, or the ocean. Doing so may cause the soul to become fragmented and dispersed, making it difficult for the deceased to ascend to the heavens.
- It is best for the deceased (or, in the case of cremation, the urn containing the ashes) to be laid to rest as soon as possible. Generally, it is preferable to choose an odd-numbered day for the burial. Ideally, the date should be an odd-numbered day in both the lunar calendar and the Gregorian calendar. The burial is best carried out at 8:00 am, 10:00 am, or 12:00 pm.
- For the burial ritual, prepare fresh fruit with a fruit plate, a small incense burner, three sticks of incense, and two red candles. If conditions permit, you may also bring fresh flowers and a plate for offering Little Houses.
- Before the burial takes place, first light the candles and offer the incense. The burial may then commence. After offering incense, all family members—whether younger or elder—should kneel and bow in reverence.
- After completing the prostrations, you may burn Little Houses for the deceased, followed by another round of respectful bows. At the conclusion of the ritual, extinguish the candles. The candles may be taken home, while the fruit and flowers should be left at the burial site.
- When burying the urn containing the ashes, before and after the interment, you may recite the following prayer: “May the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, the Dharma Protectors, and all spirits and deities show compassion. May <full name of the deceased>, who is laid to rest here, be cared for by those with karmic affinity.”
- By reciting this prayer, any spirits in the surrounding burial grounds who have karmic affinity with the deceased may offer protection and care. It is common for newly arrived spirits to be harassed by neighbouring spirits. This is why family members sometimes dream of the deceased asking to “move house”, as they may be experiencing disturbances at their resting place.
- At the burial site, you may first line the grave with red cloth, place yellow silk fabric on top, and then place the cremation urn (wrapped in yellow silk) onto the red cloth. In the case of a coffin burial, place the coffin on the red cloth and cover it with yellow fabric. Do not use silver-coloured silk or similar materials.
- If the deceased used prayer beads during their lifetime, you may recite the Heart Sutra 7 times, wrap the beads in yellow cloth, and place them on top of the cremation urn or coffin. If the prayer beads are brand new, you should recite the Heart Sutra 7 times for each bead before placing them.
- You may also wrap any extra photographs of the deceased in red cloth and bury them together at the burial site.
- Family members should avoid wailing loudly, crying excessively, or repeatedly calling out the deceased’s name. Doing so may cause the deceased to develop attachments, making it difficult for them to ascend to a higher realm.
- Regarding burial options, earth burial is preferred, as it allows the deceased to be laid to rest peacefully.
- Cremation is also acceptable and is still regarded as preserving bodily integrity; however, the urn containing the ashes must be buried in the ground. Keeping the urn at home is not recommended.
- If parts of the body are placed in separate locations, it will make it difficult for the deceased to ascend to a higher realm.
- Likewise, ashes must not be scattered into rivers, lakes, seas, or oceans, as this may cause the soul to become dispersed and fragmented.
- Do not set up an altar to place the spirit tablets of the deceased in the home, as this may allow wandering spirits to occupy the tablet, leading to disturbances and disharmony within the household.
- Photographs or spirit tablets of the deceased should be wrapped in red cloth and placed flat inside a cupboard. On special occasions such as the anniversary of the deceased’s passing, the Qingming Festival, the Zhongyuan Festival (Ullambana Festival), and Dongzhi (the Winter Solstice), they may be taken out for paying respects, reciting sutras, and burning Little Houses.
- For further information, please refer to Q&A 74: Performing recitations for family and friends on their deathbed.