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Deepest Gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
Deepest Gratitude to all Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and Dharma Protectors!
Deepest Gratitude to Master Jun Hong Lu!
Good afternoon to all Buddhist friends.
To start with, my mother and I have a profound affinity with each other. During my secondary school years, our family life turned topsy turvy, and we only had each other to fall back on. Despite our sufferings, we were still able to find moments of joy once in a while which helped keep us afloat.
Oftentimes, we would wake up terrified by our own nightmares and in times like this, the comfort and assurance that we gave each other helped us press on with life. This illustrates the strength of the mother-daughter bond between us.
My mum has always been extremely strict with me. It is not even absurd to say that she has an inclination to control me.
Prior to my Buddhism practice, I would demand for my right to freedom, ending up at loggerheads with my mum. Interestingly, oftentimes, our disagreement would quickly dissipate the next day but such disputes would frequently recur.
My relationship with my mum started to show signs of strain from the day that I embarked on my Buddhism practice. My spiritual cultivation journey is hardly smooth sailing. To illustrate my point, let me share with you two major incidents that I can never forget.
The first incident happened soon after I returned home upon completing my tertiary education. We were at home then with my mum seated right beside me, flipping through a magazine, while I read Master Lu’s Buddhism discourse aloud. Before I could even complete the second sentence, out of the blue, my mum furiously stood up and made an attempt to snatch my book. The situation was extremely tense. I was dumbfounded by her uncharacteristic display of temper. After this episode, from time to time, she would still inhibit me and hurl verbal abuse at me.
The second incident took place during the 2017 Singapore Dharma Convention. To convince her to go, we went on the pretext of a vacation. This was how I made it to my very first dharma convention in Singapore.
Upon seeing a sea of volunteers and innumerable exhibits at the dharma convention site, it then dawned on my mother about the actual purpose of our trip to Singapore and right there and then, she insisted on leaving. Helpless, I quietly recited the Heart Sutra to beseech for Guan Yin Bodhisattva’s succour. As I tried convincing her to stay, we ended up going round and round the venue. Adamant of leaving, she dragged me along with her. As we walked farther and farther away from the venue, I was crying inside. My woe was beyond description.
All of a sudden, I plucked up my courage to run back to the convention site. I saw my mum pacing not far behind me. Out of the blue, she let out a cry of despair, creating a scene in front of thousands of people there. Petrified, I picked up my pace. We were playing cat and mouse right in full view of others. My ‘helpless’ action had caused disruption and inconvenience to some Buddhist friends who were lining up to enter the convention. For this, I would like to fervently repent to Guan Yin Bodhisattva, Dharma Protectors and our revered Master.
A couple of minutes later, fortunately, a volunteer stepped forward to get us out of this predicament. She brought us to one corner to settle us down. Tears kept streaming down our cheeks as this kind hearted Buddhist friend tried hard to reconcile us. Eventually, my mum relented and agreed to participate in the convention with me.
I’m deeply grateful to the Buddhist friend who managed to coax my mum as without her, this awesome experience of attending the dharma convention would have slipped through my fingers and to make it worse, the unpleasant saga would have strained my relationship with my mum.
Post dharma convention, my relationship with my mum somewhat improved. That said, she would still stubbornly hold on to her point of view whenever something serious crops up. I always remind myself to exercise great prudence in my cultivation and be more amicable when dealing with my loved ones instead of going head-on with them.
I would now like to share two dreams which I hope would serve as a good reminder to all that self-cultivation is akin to treading on thin ice, and the immutable fact of the law of karma.
The first dream came shortly after I practised Buddhism. In the dream, I was scantily dressed and I made a deliberate move to walk past a male practising Buddhist who was then meditating. I was extremely remorseful upon waking up even though I wasn’t really sure why I had such a dream.
The second dream came after returning home upon completing my tertiary education. In the dream, I was kneeling down beside a male dressed in a monk’s robe, imploring him not to leave me. A pin-drop silence fell upon us and finally he uttered, “Let’s be together forever”.
These two dreams raced through my mind in one of those episodic conflicts with my mum. I suspect they are indicative of our relationship in our past lives, when we were husband and wife and my mother was the monk, and there I was, in that life, prohibiting him from practising Buddhism. The feeling of heartbreak and being forsaken was so vivid in the dream that it seemed so real.
The constant vexations that I face in my Buddhism practice have oftentimes given rise to thoughts of leaving this home to reside in a faraway abode to be free from her clutches. Come to think of it, weren’t we playing the opposite roles in our past lives??
We reap what we sow! In our past lives, because of her, I was heartbroken; in this life, I am the source of her worries! In our past lives, I prevented her from becoming a monk, rendering me having to pay a hefty price in this life! Isn’t this clear enough what karma looks like at work?
Every time I feel wronged in my spiritual cultivation journey, I will feel deeply remorseful whenever I recall the trials and tribulations that I put my mum through in her past life. Do I even have the right to feel victimised in this life? After all, I am merely experiencing my past misdeeds. I should not even harbour any resentment as doing so will only bring more karma upon ourselves, entrapping us in this negative karmic web.
Master Lu once said, “Apply wisdom to perfect all of our affinities. Life is difficult and bitter. Karma stems from every arising thought. Without meticulous mindfulness, we can easily slip through the cracks and end up in the cycle of rebirth. We should make good use of this life to perfect our cultivation so that we can achieve enlightenment in this lifetime! Failing which, all cultivation efforts will come to nought. What’s even more ironic, by then, we would have forgotten about our past and missed our homebound journey to heaven!”
The moment the karmic effect comes knocking at your door, it is very much like having both the torrents and ferocious beasts bombarding you at the same time and by then, do you think you are capable of shielding yourself from the onslaught? Hence, we should cultivate ourselves spiritually every minute of the day and persevere in doing so for as long as we live!
In the lens of a lay person, the ‘injustices’ of this world are uncalled for, unaware of the unfailing workings of the law of karma. I would have been similarly ‘blinded’ and reacted negatively to my life’s crossroads, had I not chanced upon Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door.
I have come to the end of my sharing. Before I end, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu for bestowing such a marvellous dharma door to us.
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