THE THREE METHODS TO PRACTISE FORBEARANCE
Question: How are you, Master? Is there a simpler and more practical method to cultivate forbearance? The reason I ask is because the virtue of forbearance is one of the hardest to cultivate.
Answer: The key to practising forbearance is knowing how to resolve the matter in hand.
Firstly, when you are faced with something distressing, it is not easy to practise forbearance. That is why we should not insist on getting to the heart of matter. Take for instance, someone scolds you, you should not dwell on it and keep asking, “Why did he scold me?” If you get caught up in it, it will become very difficult to tolerate the humiliation.
Secondly, we must think about how pitiable the other party is. In other words, using a heart of compassion to spare you from the need to forbear. Another example is, when someone messes with you, you should take pity on him and think, “He will receive his karmic retribution for messing up with a Buddhist practitioner like me”. You must bring forth the sincere intention to resolve this matter. There is no such thing as something truly unresolvable or unbearable – it is your lack of compassion that makes it feel that way. Do you think Guan Yin Bodhisattva would ever lose patience or be consumed by anger?
The third approach is to put yourself in others’ shoes. When someone reprimands you, try to feel for the other party as this will eliminate the urge for you to retaliate. Put yourself in his shoes and think, there must be a reason for his outburst, and ask yourself, “What would you do if you were him?” By doing so, you will not pick a fight with him and realise that it is all your fault. In this context, there is no need for you to exercise self-restraint or forbearance.
Source: Master Jun Hong Lu’s 8th Discourse to Disciples Worldwide, Part 4, 3 December 2012